When I coach senior leaders, my goal is not to provide answers or advice. My goal is to ask thought-provoking, strategic questions to help them work through a challenge, explore potential solutions and make the right decision for the situation.
I find that my clients benefit from both the types of questions I ask and how I listen to their responses. My objective for every leadership coaching conversation is to gently push my client to the limits of their knowledge and comfort zone. I want them to get to the point where they say, “I don’t know,” because this is the place where growth happens. Admitting that they don’t know the answer creates space for critical thinking and allows me to ask the tough questions.
Many leadership coaches shy away from discomfort—their own or their clients’—but being uncomfortable is necessary for learning. Our role as coaches is to lean into the discomfort and cultivate an environment where it’s safe for our clients to be uncomfortable and vulnerable. Good leadership coaches are more than just cheerleaders. We have to challenge ourselves to truly be in service to our clients and empower them to face their biggest obstacles. I recommend the following strategies to support leaders as they embrace “I don’t know” as a starting point for real learning and growth.
Build Trust And Transparency First
Mutual trust is the foundation for effective leadership coaching. Before you can make any progress on your client’s goals, you must first build trust and transparency with them. This takes time, so be patient and persistent as you guide them through your first sessions together.
Be honest with them about the feelings they may experience and the challenges they may face during coaching. My clients will tell you that leadership coaching isn’t always a pleasant experience, but they keep coming back because it helps them solve problems and move toward their goals. Leadership coaching is a metamorphic process. My job as a coach is to support them through the ups and downs as they make positive changes.
Tailor Coaching To Each Client’s Needs
Remember that coaching should be driven by your client’s agenda. Ask them: How can I best serve you? How uncomfortable are you willing to be? What is it that you want from our interactions?
Be prepared to go off script and adapt to what your client needs in the moment. I always start a session by asking: Before we get into what we talked about last time, what’s on your mind today? Is there something pressing that you want to talk about? Sometimes that topic will shape our entire conversation, and that’s okay.
Start Broad And Go Deeper
Structure your coaching conversations like a funnel: Begin with broad, open-ended questions to gather information and build understanding. As the conversation progresses, ask increasingly specific and direct questions that guide the leader toward deeper insights. The narrow end of the funnel is where you reach that powerful “I don’t know” moment.
Reframe Not Knowing
Senior leaders often feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit when they don’t know something. They have successful careers, and it can be humbling for them even to ask for a coach and acknowledge they need help in their journey as leaders. But no one has all the answers. When we admit what we don’t know, we open ourselves to new knowledge and possibilities. Create an environment where they can be vulnerable and reframe not knowing as an opportunity to learn. “I don’t know” is a productive statement. It generates ideas, creativity and solutions.
Recognize What They Do Know
When a leader reaches an “I don’t know” moment, encourage them to take a step back and identify what they do know about the situation. Sometimes they know more than they think, but they have trouble articulating it. Other times, when they start digging deeper into the context of a situation, they gain new insights into how they can resolve a problem. This process helps you identify true knowledge gaps and build your client’s self-confidence.
Resist the temptation to give direct advice, even when leaders are dealing with difficult situations. Continue asking open-ended questions, such as, “Have you considered …?” or “What do you think would happen if …?” to get them thinking through challenges and reaching conclusions on their own.
Outline Next Steps
Once your client has come up with a resolution, ask for a specific commitment on next steps. Ask when and how they will take action and what they expect the outcome to be. Be clear that you will follow up in your next session to discuss what happened. This structure gives them both support and accountability.
Model Coaching Techniques That Inspire Change
Leadership coaching helps introduce your client to habits and techniques they can use to solve their own problems. It also teaches them how to use effective coaching approaches with their own teams. Don’t be afraid that as leaders develop their coaching skills, they will outgrow your services. The more they get out of coaching, the more value they will see in continuing to work with you. Their “I don’t knows” will evolve but not disappear.
As leaders adopt new behaviors and integrate coaching techniques into their day-to-day interactions, they start to facilitate a positive culture change in their organizations. When they model curiosity and vulnerability themselves, they foster an environment where others can have honest conversations and ask for help when they need it.
Leadership coaching results in meaningful change when leaders feel safe admitting what they don’t know and moving through their discomfort to discover the right solutions. We don’t have to have all the answers as coaches. We just need to be supportive guides who can help leaders find their own path forward.
Published by Forbes.com
